The Rise of FAFO Parenting and Why It Works a Treat

I was out at a restaurant recently when I overheard a little boy, maybe five or six, in the middle of a full-blown tantrum. And I’m not talking about your mild, garden-variety meltdown - this kid was seriously pushing the boundaries, complete with telling his dad to "F*ck off". You could see the father desperately wanted to put his foot down, but couldn’t quite follow through because, well, public scene. And my heart went out to him. I’ll be honest, even I wanted to throttle the kid, but the risk of ending up front-page news for all the wrong reasons probably didn’t seem appealing to Dad. And that got me thinking about the resurgence of old-school parenting with consequences, aka the FAFO - or let’s just say it straight, F*ck Around and Find Out - parenting style.

So what is 'FAFO' parenting? At its heart, it’s about letting kids face the natural consequences of their actions, without stepping in to cushion every fall. It’s not about cruelty; it’s about tough love in its most practical form. The message is simple: “I warned you, and now you see why.”

Unlike constant reasoning or endless negotiations, FAFO trusts reality to do the teaching. A kid refuses to wear a jacket, and ends up cold. A toy gets left out in the rain, and it’s ruined. No lectures, no nagging, just a quiet “that’s what happens.”

Here’s the thing though - kids feel safe with boundaries. They might fight them, push against them, roll their eyes and stomp their feet, but deep-down, boundaries give them the security of knowing where they stand. Without them, the world feels too big and too wobbly. Psychologists will tell you kids thrive when love and structure work hand in hand. And the earlier you start, the easier it gets. Toddlers can begin to learn cause and effect in safe, age-appropriate ways, while school-aged kids are ready to understand follow-through. By the time they hit teenage years, consequences are not just a parenting trick - they’re a lifeline.

And here’s where FAFO really separates itself from empty threats: follow-through. If you say, “If you throw that again, we leave,” then you actually have to pack up and leave. Yes, it’s inconvenient. Yes, it can ruin your night. But if you don’t follow through, kids figure you out pretty darn quick. They know you’re bluffing, and from there the game is up. Consistency is everything and the younger, the better. The more you do what you say, the less you actually have to repeat yourself, because your kids know the line is real.

Of course, FAFO doesn’t mean harsh punishment or shaming - it still has to be delivered with love. The best parents have always known it’s a mix: lots of love, lots of discipline. One without the other doesn’t work. If you’ve ever seen a child melt down but still sneak a look to see if their parent is watching, you know what’s really happening - they’re testing, not because they want chaos, but because they want to feel secure. Boundaries say, “I care enough to stop you.” Consequences say, “I care enough to prepare you for the real world.”

No parent nails it every time, and disciplining kids is hard work. But the FAFO method isn’t about perfection, it’s about leaning into reality, letting life do some of the teaching, and remembering that accountability is one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids. It’s not glamorous, it won’t win you likes on Instagram or make you popular with the people at the next table in the cafe, but it will raise children who grow up knowing that every choice has an outcome, and that’s a lesson that sticks.

So next time you see a child pushing boundaries and a parent holding steady, don’t mistake it for being harsh. It might just be the latest parenting hack in action - firm boundaries, plenty of love, and the kind of follow-through that makes kids feel both safe and seen. And to all the parents out there doing their best to hold the line, may the odds be ever in your favour.

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