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Phone Pas: We List the Modern Mobile Crimes You Might Be Guilty Of

  • Writer: Catherine Potter
    Catherine Potter
  • Jul 24
  • 6 min read
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We’ve all got a pet peeve, and lately mine has been flaring up like my sinuses in spring.


This tiny little annoyance is, sadly, just one in a long list of gripes that come from being stuck between generations; the ones who had their phones mounted on the wall and knew how to answer them with manners, and the newer breed of cringey, tone-deaf, or just plain rude habits that seem to be multiplying faster than a CEO can duck on a Kiss Cam when he’s very much not with his wife.


And I know I’m not alone, because I’ve seen the eye twitches and side-eyes from people of my vintage, and I figured it was high time we unpacked some of the most common phone grievances plaguing the good people of the western world.


So dial in, grab your stress ball, and let’s talk about what really goes unsaid about what’s wrong with the world when it comes to modern phone culture.


The Mysterious Caller


If you’re going to call someone, it should go a little something like this: “Hi, it’s Kelly from Bunnings,” or “Hey, it’s Lee from Menopause Anonymous.” Start there. Do not - I repeat, DO NOT - open with “Is this [insert my name here]?” Of course it’s me. Who else would it be? You dialed my number. You presumably knew who you were calling.


And even if you’re unsure, I stand by this: If you’re calling me, you go first. Name. Then purpose. That’s the rule. We are not on a game show here and no one’s winning a NutriBullet for answering correctly. When I answer a call and I’m instantly asked to confirm my identity, I go from 1 to 100 on the scale of irritation in under five seconds. It’s weird, it’s annoying, and honestly, it just makes me want to hang up before I even know why you’re calling.


As Human Development Coach Nate Whaley of @TheHigherLightOfficial (aka the unofficial Mayor of Good Manners) says, "A simple introduction at the start of a call establishes trust and respect. Without it, the brain enters defense mode."


How do people not know this? Amen, Nate.


Speakerphone Offenders


If you're walking through Woolies with your phone on speaker while discussing last night’s Tinder date, I hate to break it to you, but no one wants to hear that. No one. Not even the frozen peas or the Mini Moons.


Somehow, speakerphone in public has become some sort of socially acceptable badge of casual disregard for everyone around you. Maybe it started with Bluetooth in the car. Maybe it’s a desperate last-resort grab for attention. Maybe I don't care. Either way, it’s got to stop.


Use your headphones. Step outside. Or - here’s a radical idea - wait until you're home so no one has to listen to a reality TV show they haven't subscribed to.


The Call Dropper with No Follow-Up


You’re deep into a conversation. Maybe you're organising an appointment carpool, maybe you're venting about your neighbour’s garbage placement or maybe you're just purging some garden variety childhood trauma that really needs to be released like, right now. Then - click. They’re gone.


Do they call back? No. Do they text you to say their phone died? Also no.


So now you're left wondering: Did they actually... hang up on me? Did they get hit by a rogue e-bike? Did they get bored?


Don’t leave people hanging. If a call drops, the person who initiated the call should be the one to call back. It's not rocket science, just Phone Manners 101, people.


The Unsolicited Video Caller


You know what I really love? When someone FaceTimes me with no warning and I haven’t even brushed my hair.


Spoiler alert: I actually don’t love that. I was kidding.


If you're calling someone via video, you’d better either be my child or stranded on the side of the road with a flat tyre and an out-of-date NRMA membership. Otherwise, send a quick text first. It’s called consent.


Even Kate Heussler, an expert in modern etiquette and the founder of The Institute of Modelling, told us, "I always check before I video call. It’s like knocking before walking into someone’s bedroom. You never know what you’re walking into!"


Preach, sister Kate.


The Serial Texter Who Should Just Call


Then there’s the opposite problem: the person who sends thirty-five text messages when one 30-second phone call would’ve done the trick.


“Hey, just checking if you’re free tomorrow.”“Morning or arvo?”“Could do a coffee.”“Actually maybe lunch.”“Unless you’re busy?”


STOP. PICK. UP. THE. FREAKING. PHONE. ALREADY.


Yes, we all love the multitasking and the juggle is real. But if your thumbs are starting to develop callouses and you're suffering from carpal tunnel syndrome, it might be time to reconsider your communication style.


The Voicemail Void


Okay, so this one’s on us too. We never check voicemail anymore. Some of us don't even set it up. And there's a good reason for that.


Let me break it down for you:


They don’t want to talk to you. Period.


Which is... fair. But also a little brutal.


If you’re not going to check voicemails, don’t leave them. And on the other hand, if you’re into the whole voicemail thing and expecting an important call (hello, job interviews or your pet needing collection after its flea treatment), maybe do check them occasionally? Just saying.


The One-Word Texter


Another underrated gem: people who reply to heartfelt, thoughtful, or emotionally nuanced messages with…


“K.”


Nothing says "I’m dead inside" like the letter K. Or the emoji thumbs-up.


Don’t do it. Don’t be that person. Nobody likes you.


The On-Hold Over-Sharer


Not so much a phone etiquette issue as it is a cultural phenomenon. You’re on hold with Centrelink, or Telstra, or - God forbid - the local council.


They tell you the wait time is 47 minutes. And you? You settle in.


Then, 39 minutes in, someone picks up, and you’re so relieved, you start trauma-dumping by default.


“So glad you answered. I was just about to lose it. My dog’s sick, my kid’s got school camp, and I've got to get to my Pilates class that starts in ten.”


I get it. We’ve all been there. But maybe don’t unload your lifelong frustrations on the poor human who finally answered. They’ve already heard it all and they’re just trying to get your form processed.


Oh, and they don't care. Not even one little bit.


The Unknown Number Panic


Why is it that when we see an unknown number, we suddenly become secret agents on the run, complete with the Mission Impossible soundtrack and Tom Cruise tagging along for the ride?


“Don’t answer it! Could be a scam.”“Could be Centrelink.”“Could be an ex who wants a loan checking to see if I'm still and generous.”


We live in a world where answering your own phone now feels like a leap of faith. And if you do take the plunge and answer, only to hear someone ask, “Is this YOU?” well… You already know how I feel about that.


The Phone Zombie


Lastly, we have the most haunting of all modern phone offences: the person who is physically with you, but mentally on their phone.


You’re out to dinner. You’re catching up. And there they are, scrolling Instagram like you’re not even there.


Um, hello? Look, I love a cheeky phone check as much as the next person. But if you’re going to hang out with someone in real life, put the phone down. Live a little. Be present. You never know - your friend might actually say something hilarious and worth texting about later.


So what’s the takeaway here, other than the fact that I clearly have trust issues with phone etiquette?


It’s simple but let me break it down for you.


Be thoughtful. Be human. Lead with your name. Text before you FaceTime. And if you’re going to ask if it’s me on the other end, at least tell me who the hell you are first, dammit.


Call me old-fashioned (just not on FaceTime), but I truly believe that how we communicate matters, and the phone is still one of the most personal ways to connect. Let’s not turn it into a battlefield of social faux pas and anxiety triggers.


Now if you’ll excuse me, my phone’s buzzing.


Probably a scam.


 
 
 

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